My Journey Thus Far:

Thursday, September 30, 2010

BW 4

On to day 4 of the buckwheat diet and i have this feeling that i dont want to eat anything anymore lol. Everything tastes bland now. Yesterday of day 3 i barely ate much of the buckwheat and kefir. And then after gym my friend's dad gave us juice and i drank some,... it was good, and thats what probably kept me from having a headache today :P. I wish i could tell you all what my weight is this morning but sadly i didn't get up early enough to weigh myself before my mom came from her night-shift and now is sleeping in her room where the scale is :( But at least i see changes in my body :) My stomach is definitely flatter and stuff.

I was looking at Handsome-man's profile alot lately,... not in a stalker way, just trying to find things out... Why would someone his age, like-ness, and great personality would he still be unmarried? or is he already married? ... I've noticed most of the men in his church dont wear wedding rings and barely women do too... ugh this sucks like crazy! If only i knew who to ask... well i know someone who would, but how should i ask?? Ugh this is killing me!

Im still not in a studying mood :( thats not good at all... But im trying really hard... Though i know my microbiology class is unbearable, i need to try,... try and try again to get the grade I need! Ugh i just wish this semester would be over already!

7+ lbs less,

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

BW 3

Well today is the start of day 3 of the buckwheat diet and its going really well. I've been going to the gym daily too. So i get up today to weigh myself and im a remarkable 184ish :D its awesome! I want to be on this diet forever! But i know that im going to have to stop sometime...

My good friend's birthday is coming up :S and i told her i cant go to the party, its really true i cant but im also glad that im not going cuz ill be the elephant in the room, so i'm taking her out instead. Im taking her to a Sushi place :D I LOVE SUSHI!!! plus you can get the miso soup that is really filling. And then right after that day im going back on the BW diet!

At the rate that i'm losing weight, i'll definitely be 10kg less on Monday! And ready to face Handsome-man... well maybe not quite yet, but to show a more beautiful me and get the fat picture of me out of his head :P I wish i knew his schedule for college so i can innocently bump into him :P

7lbs less,

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

BW 2

Buckwheat diet day 2 is on the rise and i feel pretty good still :) I weighed myself really quickly this morning and it said i was 186ish :) Thats just fabulous! This thing is really working! Plus its not that hard to do. Having only to eat 2 things and restricting both to just 2 cups each, its very low in calories and again more means to lose weight! This diet is supposed to help lose 4-10kg in a week or two, which is really cool too. But the sad part is you can do it once a month :( I wonder why cant i do it every other week for two weeks? we'll see i guess.

I was at the gym last night and every Sunday, Monday, and Thursday (sometimes on Saturdays too) I see this cute guy who works at the front desk :P And I'd just talk to him and stuff and just yesterday he finally started a conversation :D which is nice cuz you don't want to be the only one trying to strike up a conversation! ... though i know nothing is going to happen between us, He's really cool guy to talk to and a good practice to feel comfortable again around guys :)

Well, handsome-man still hasn't returned a message on FB, but that's okay... I don't really look like myself on the photo anyway... besides he's barely on there anyways,... he's a busy man,... trying to become a doctor, he has a long way to go on his education, he doesn't need a girl right now to take him off his focus.

I hope that with this BW diet I'll be 175 by Sunday... So i can finally fit into my clothes again! lol


Sunday, September 26, 2010

Diet mistakes!

I just realized that i totally did the diet wrong yesterday; I got mad, ate 2 pizza slices, 2 cups of cherry coke, a piece of chocolate, and a handful of dark chocolate covered pomegranate. But not to worry, Im fine now, and buzzed on the food i ate...

My mom noticed that i was not eating the buckwheat and she was like "I thought you were going to be serious on this diet" "I already told everyone that you are going on this diet" "i wanted to see if its going to work so i can go on it" "You never have a middle ground on food! you either eat everything you want or you eat nothing!" ... ugh ...

Im starting it tomoro, since i know what i did wrong... Plus ill be going to the gym in the morning and going to college straight after so that I will ONLY eat buckwheat and Kefir... plus i may have the chance to see Handsome-man... Dont worry im not really stuck on him anymore..

I have a penpal, I've been writing to him since e
ver! about 6 years now i believe and its really cool... I want to visit him in 2 years (when i have the money). I cant wait to see him! Yes, its a guy! He is really cool, i love it that he has such girl drama and then im kinda there to pick up the pieces, cuz everyone needs someone once in a while to think things through...SO i must get skinny!

I cant wait till im skinny :)

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Buckwheat diet day 1

Well i just started today, and its not that bad. I can eat buckwheat all day and buttermilk (only 1 liter). I hope this will work. It should work, i don't know what else to do. I cant fast, i cant make myself stay at the gym, i love sweets, and stuff like that. So i was thinking for this diet, Ill be on buckwheat and kefir for 2 weeks, then 2 weeks without kefir, and then two weeks on cuz i've been reading up on the diet (barely any info out there), And it is said that with the kefir it makes you rapidly lose weight... I dont want to get into a plateau or anything so i'll try it this way. Besides it was only intended to be for 2 weeks... I know a girl who was on it for more than a month!!!

I went to bed really late last night and before i went to sleep i checked my facebook one last time. And finally he added me. It was a bit odd because i wonder why he added so late at night as well, and then I find that he is like 24 going on 25 years of age and knowing that his church don't really wear wedding rings, it makes me wonder if he is married or not. FYI the Slavic community marries really early. So im just sitting there thinking... looking around his profile... Some things aren't adding up... The display name really isn't his name, barely goes on his facebook at all, the email that is displayed is even more screwed up (has a name but not his name), and things like that.... is someone impersonating him? I dont know.... Its just all too weird for me right now... I wonder if he is going to reply to my message i sent.. only the really Handsome-man can answer it, so we'll see what happens.

Check out Easy Bible Read!


Friday, September 24, 2010

Screw it!

Im really sad... Ive been waiting for a reply for a week now and no approval :(
This sucks sooo bad! I had hope that my looks wont mean anything, that his smiles looked past all that... But i guess i was wrong... He doesn't remember me, im just another girl, just another FAT girl... Ive never felt so ugly... Im totally starting the Buckwheat diet tomoro... I want to try to do it for a month,... but ill shoot for 2 weeks to lose the 10kg... I hope it really works, i need to go back to my regular weight!... and hopefully i can do it much longer to actually lose more weight! Though i know this wont fill the hole in my heart, Its something to start with....


Thursday, September 23, 2010

Hey Everybody

So, i've been going to the gym like everyday now and i think its going good... But i still haven't lost weight :( I know its probably from the weights, but i need to do the weights because im really big and if i dont do them, ill be flabby... Walking in an incline really helped, i can fit into a pair of jeans that i couldn't fit into couple weeks ago, but i still got to figure out another routine! Fat burning is great and all but i think i should try burning calories again... and stick with the weights. I've been looking at a new diet,... my mom was telling me how there is this buckwheat diet that seems to work really good, so i think im going to try it. I know this one girl who was 240lbs and lost alot of weight on this diet, so hopefully ill be able to as well. I hope i hope i hope i hope. I heard you can lose about 4-10kg in about 2 weeks,... which is really good! Ill put up the details of the diet soon as i start it. I need to be at least 170lbs when i go visit handsome-man's church!


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

ah yes

To Isla Lynn: I actually can play piano I have had strict classical lessons for about 6 years before i dropped out due to the start of college and work,... But i am not at all good at it, and my stage fright is horrendous with instruments,... especially if i have to do two things at once lol... But i know i will figure something out... I do sing sometimes with my group but i just doesn't count i guess :S And thanks for all your support :)

Now to my Post:
I would like you all to check out my new blog, Easy Bible Read... very simple and straight forward and no commitment intended... but just check it out :)

Since i've been going to the gym, and using weights to shape up, I am now 190lbs but im not a blubbery 190, im a more toned 190,... which is good :P I can still fit into my pants and look better in my shirts!

Handsome-man still didnt approve my request :( Maybe he doesn't use facebook anymore?

thats it... i got nothing else,

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Cant wait much longer!

Im really scared and im really excited,
Im really anxious and im really frightened,
Im waiting for Handsome-man to add me :S

I felt like crying all day today.

I take vocal lessons and my mother has been really mad at me lately.
The lessons are expensive and yet i haven't held up my end of the bargain.
I was supposed to sing a so
ng in church every 2-3 months. I have songs ready, really i do!
I dont want to point blame, but the reason i haven't is because my brother wont learn the piano part on time,
he tells me last minuet that he can't play on certain days, and other things.

I know he's busy and that he really does have other better things to do,
but why not just let me have someone else play the part?
"Nooooo its my sheet music!" he says :(

So now i am in deep trouble, anger,
and sad that i may have to stop my lessons just because of my brother.

Since i was in shambles most of the day,

i had lost my appetite a bit.
I weighed myself before

eating a huge home-made sandwich
:P yum
I was a good 187 :) can't wait till 185!
Ive been going to the gym every day now since i've started!
I do incline walking/running/power walk,
weights for my arms,
and lots of crunches for the tummy
:) It feels good...


Monday, September 20, 2010

la la laaa

Sorry for not posting for a while... i've been busy with things. I duped my Micro exam due to my superb laziness :( Now ill be doing an all-nighter to catch up on my History exam :S Whats wrong with me?? Where has my motivation gone?? I feel so stupid this semester.. really stupid... I dont want to do any homework, i dont want to go to college, All i want to do is sleep and read my bible... thats all... I hope that changes...

I've been reading my bible alot, and I'm trying to read all the books i havent read yet from the first to last book... And i've noticed that there is alot that i d
ont know, alot that i have never given thought to, and alot of things that make me think... Just like the mystery of Egypt's fall... The city was great and strong, then suddenly its crushed and dried out! I read Isaiah 19 and all makes sense to why and there is no mystery (check it out for yourself), but no one will believe it to be true. I know most of you who follow me dont believe but it really calms me when i read it.

The fourth attempt at the 3 day diet was a bit successful... i wavered away from the meal plan a bit and even started to eat too much healthy stuff but it has made me more aware of what my meals should be like. Even though i had 2 pizzas today with jello and loads of coffee, i weighed myself after i got home late tonight from gym (FYI: best time to weigh yourself is in the morning!), so i was pretty surprised that i was just 188 :P its a good thing, its hope that i would be like 186 in the morning! Im trying to go to the gym more often... Ive been going pretty much every day... It feels really good. Im also experimenting on the whole anaerobic thing. We'll see if i've been burning fat or water soon enough.

I saw Handsome-man at my church... i was a bit aware of him coming since his church was having a funeral at my church... I had my hair all styled and had elegant make-up on and tried to look slim with a black shirt... He was also wearing black (no surprise) but he had his hair styled which was different. I got to say hi to him and he said hi with mentioning my name :) but of course with his buddies and my friends around there wasn't much to talk of so it was just "you going into the line look in the casket?" sounds so bad now that i think of it :S ... but at least he knows my name :) ... ill be visiting his church soon :S i hope ill be 10lbs skinnier then at least!

I wanted your opinions,... I know Handsome-man's Facebook, should i try to add him? message him??? though i dont want to sound so desperate to him :/

<3 you all,

Saturday, September 18, 2010

the 2nd day

Im doing the three day diet again, and today i saw my weight at 187, which is really nice...But then i have a bloody headache, even after i ate my dinner,... so i ate a little bit off the diet... Not too much but something to stop my headache so i can study and that is healthy, simple, and in small portion. Ive decided to go to the gym while im on the diet and it seems to be the key for actually losing weight on this diet, though it said not to. Im excited again :) Plus the fact that i am on my period and that im not gaining the usual 5 lbs of water is really great too!


Thursday, September 16, 2010


Back to 190 :(
enough said.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Well i weighed myself and it came out to be 187 :) It made me really happy! Though im "off" diet. I go along with the diet in a way, but i did tweak it. Today im planning on making a sandwich, Have my coffee, and have another cup with my cake. Thats all im going to have today. Plus i drink this "ballerina" tea. Which cleases the colon, And it works, but there is a big warning to using these things. You cant constantly use them. If you do, your butt muscles will Start to relax and after a while you wont be able to hold in your own poop and then you are going to have to use some form of laxative to help yourself poop. Its as disgusting cycle of events. Im being extra careful. Extra extra extra careful.
To those you abuse laxatives, stop while you still can!
YOU WILL RUIN YOUR COLON!!! Once that happens you are going to have to have a sort of plastic bag hanging off of your body that collects your poop. And it is NOT reversible!!! Instead try prunes, dates, plums etc.


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The little pieces

SO, i was talking to my mom about the 3 day diet and the mild complications i have on the diet (constipation and little urine production) and she got concerned. Our digestive system is the last thing you want to mess up. So, i decided to change the diet up a bit... like drink more coffee (my style) and eat less of the necessary products... Eating 2 cups of broccoli and califlower is harsh on any i will just eat less and skip eating something... But i will stick to simple foods like boiled eggs and stay away from the processed. From yesterday, i lost like two pounds... i was like 192-3 from the diet at night and i was 190 this morning. So i am on track, but it would be nice to lose 10 lbs again, but i see that you have to wait a LONG time to do it again.


Sunday, September 12, 2010

3 day diet

3rd time going on the 3 day diet
and I'm excited :)

I really cant wait!

Ive been eating quite normally
so it should work this time.

I'm also thinking about making it
into smaller portions,
but maybe not...

Definitely the ice-cream is.

Hopefully ill be 180lbs


Saturday, September 11, 2010

Just a bit

I love all my followers :) Thanks to all 16 of them :)
But i do have a request... Please comment on my posts more often...
I feel like i shouldn't post anything when i know no one seems to care...
If you think i can change it up a bit to more of your liking, please tell me!


Stable 187

Though i gained 2 lbs from my three day diet, i'm glad that i am still in that place over 2 weeks now :) And that makes me happy! I now also eat regular meals like breakfast, lunch, and dinner... small good portioned meals, so that im learning to be a better eater.

Im going to try a third round of the 3 day diet in a couple days, hopefully it will have the results i want from it. I was thinking about cutting out the icecream.
.. But i need to start going to the gym again too, geez im so lazy!! no wonder im not losing any weight!

Handsome-man is my motivation right now :) his smile is so sweet :D


Thursday, September 9, 2010

Mini binge

I guess i'm still mad at my failure of doing the diet the 2nd time... I totally ate too much ice-cream and junk... Im going to the gym tonight so it can be dealt with.
Im tying to convince myself that i look good,
Im not 195-8ish anymore and i should be proud of that at least.

My body isn't as flabby either, especially by belly.
Its not even 2pm and i stopped my binge so thats a good thing too.
Im not going to eat anything else the rest of the day.
But now im getting a super headache from all the junk i ate :(


p.s. Whats a liquid fast??


Well i admit that i got a bit angry yesterday.... I was angry at the fact that i wasn't losing any weight the second time i did the diet and i was mad that i wasted all that food... I should have waited till my body was comfortable at 185 before i started again... i should have waited till by bowels started moving normally... ugh so i went on a rampage... i ate 2 cups of vanilla/chocolate chip/cookie dough icecream, coffee, lemon/cherry cheesecake, 2 string cheese... i was so mad... Im still mad a little right now... but i've noticed my belly isn't as flabby so at least its changing and tightening. I went out with my friends yesterday for a bible study thing and i noticed that i was the largest one. Fattest one. I felt so disgusting. I once thought that i was pretty and cute but now i see myself as some girl that no one really cares for. sigh... Im off the diet for 4 days... ill give myself four days till i really get overboard and comfortable with food.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Well i've been watching my weight a bit through this diet. And i've found that im not losing much of anything. And i started to do some research on the diet and looking at other variations. I've noticed that my version of the diet is lower than most in calories and that other diets require 4 days of instead of three.
So i was thinking that i should have taken four days off. I should have exercised on my days off. I shouldn't have ate all that sushi. And i've also noticed that this diet can give you some-what constipation (not being able to make a bowel movement) and whether or not you are drinking alot of water your urine deposit will be low... :S
This doesn't mean i wont be stopping the diet, ill do the last day. From being about 190 at the end of day one to now being 185lbs on the beginning of the 3rd day, i think i've still accomplished something :) So, for the 3rd time ill be on this diet i will be: waiting 4 days till i do it again, exercise moderately, Drink the recommended 9 cups of water, and i'll definitely be much more strict of what i eat off the diet.
I have found the secret to burning fat!!! I was in microbiology last night and the professor has said something really interesting. All cells use glucose metabolism ( changing glucose into ATP (energy)) . You either use Aerobic or Anaerobic Respiration to do this. With Aerobic, your result is making 36 ATP; With Anaerobic your results in just 2 ATP. Results: Aerobic=36ATP= Running= no fat burn; Anaerobic=2 ATP = Walking = More fat burn! SO,... you burn more fat while you are walking, even more so if you are walking up a hill/incline! I dont know about you girls but i'd rather walk in a incline for an hour or so than run... plus you get the benefit of fat burning :P plus its the same thing while using weights...


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

2nd Diet Day

Yesterday was very uneventful... and when i checked my weight today it was still 187 :(... But i guess i just need to be more patient this time around because i am drinking alot more water and it might be because of that. Ill just drink less water today. Im also trying not to eat after 6pm. I have been hearing that just by doing this you can lose some weight as well. And also if you jump-rope for 10 min, you'll burn 100 cals :)
I cant wait till i get this day over with and see what my weight will be tomoro... hopefully the diet didn't stop working. Cuz that would just be really frustrating. Wasting all that money on food,... Not being able to eat all the goodies that we had in those days... and being such an outsider to friends and family... Just because of this diet i had to miss out on coffee with friends (they totally thought i was wierd for not getting any, such a bad support), with family i missed out on good barb-e-Q, and my sis made her scrumptious lemony cheese cake :( sigh... I hope its worth it...
I may not be 177 when im done with this diet, but at least be 180... I need to start fitting into my cloths again! its hard to hide the extra tire i have.... Its a lot better since i lost the 10 lbs, but i still have a bit more.... Oh i just pray that i lose the extra weight i've added this past summer...


Monday, September 6, 2010

Yummy Sushi!

I totally ate a bunch of sushi with my friend yesterday. It was good to have some girl time and catch up n stuff. I was afraid after yesterday's food rampage that i would be 190 but nope :) good 187...
Since im starting my 2nd round of the 3 day diet, hopefully ill be a 177 when im done...Im really excited... really really really excited!!!... I can't wait to be a fashion girl with awesome hair, dress, and makeup that roams the halls of the college campus... or at church :P
I want to feel good about myself again... i dont want to be comfortable... Ive been comfortable too long, that is why i haven't noticed the growing fat on me the last few years!
Time for a change :)
So pumped up for the diet xD
Its weird but true


Saturday, September 4, 2010

Weight check!

Im so scared that im going to gain weight while im off the diet, so im carefully monitoring what i eat. And it should work to at least keep it at 185lbs... So i checked today after i ate in the morning and stuff and it is still at 185 :) Thats really really good!

My mom was warning about what to eat and what not to eat and that i shouldn't eat until feel hungry... and i already know all that stuff but i feel weird... im not hungry nor am i hungry, its a odd feeling...

Im going to group today :) I hope Handsome-man will be there... i really do hope so... My mom is a bit anxious of me going alone, but i dont care im going anyway. Im going to look my best too! I think it would be weird if i only start looking extra pretty only after i find out he's there, ppl will notice. Hopefully they'll notice how pretty i am and start talking :P Has anyone else try the 3 day diet??


Friday, September 3, 2010

End of 3 day diet

Im sooooo happy! I lost 11 lbs! This is sooo amazing!
I always had this diet on my mind for a very long time, but i never thought it would work, but it did! So im 184 :) such a huge jump from 195! I totally recommend this diet to anyone who is overweight and obese, it works wonders, better than a diet pill! I cant wait till my three days 'off' the diet will be over so i can do it again and be 175 :D then i can actually where clothes again cuz i ballooned out of them by being 195 for a very long time... and even to get to 165 would be a dream come true! ... I hope i can go really far with this diet... i really do... in the mean time, i am eating less of course and im looking at calories and taking advice to what i did last year to get to 170lbs... Im so glad i kept a diet journal!
Im going to a group thing tomoro and i might see Handsome-man :) i wonder if he'll recognize my thinner self :P i doubt it a little but i cant wait for him to see a transformed me... even when ill be 165... I know what church he goes to, and my mom has wanted to go for a while cuz she was invited by a friend. Cant wait cant wait cant wait cant wait cant wait!!!!!

Food Plan for off diet (1)
  • Breakfast: Coffee (w/milk and Splenda), 2 light laughing cow cheese wedges.
  • Lunch: 1 packet of instant Miso soup, 2 cups of cantaloupe.
  • Dinner: 2 slices of meat, 1/2 cup string beans, 1/2 banana, 1 cup icecream
Stay strong, beautiful, and thin [DOVE]

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Stand still goodness :)

Well its night time here and i weighed myself. I was thinking it should be around 188 because i ate the dinner and stuff for this 3rd day on the diet... But it wasn't :) it was still 185 :D I'm ecstatic! Now i cant wait till i do it again in 3 days... i wish i can just keep on doing it over and over but then the skin wont tighten up and everything will be a mess, plus i've noticed that i've been betting light headed and weak so no gym while on diet. So,... on Monday i'll begin the diet again and hopefully i wont add too many pounds till then... Good thing im already writing down in my journal what im going to be eating for the next 3 days 'off' :P
I can't wait to be 175.... 165... 155.... 145!!! and so on :) Hopefully i can get to at least 145lbs with this diet... i know its not going to help me get to my ultimate goal but its a start and i like it :)Here are some of my inspirational thinspo! Enjoy

?? What ???

So,... I get up this morning, right? and i'm tired because i can home late last night from a Bible discussion and from the diet... But the diet was good... i don't feel all that different, just maybe a little spaced out sometimes. But anyway, i get up and i head for the scale and i was thinking maybe the scale will be good to me this morning and say that i'm at the most 190lbs. But it didn't. It said something else.

I was thrilled to see a number that I've missed for a while... I was 185 lbs again :) Though it is a big number, its really exciting to know that this diet is really working for me. I'm not starving all day, but rather i am eating more healthy and more proportioned meals. And its only the second day!!! I recommend all overweight and obese people to give this diet a try. I don't know if it will work on healthy and ultra skinny people... we'll find out later :)

I feel so good about myself right now that its intoxicating! I haven't felt so good in a long time. I cant wait to do this diet again! To go down to 175 will be amazing :) And invigorating. To show those snobby girls that are skinny from birth that i too can be skinny and pretty... maybe even be more than they can ever be. To tell you a little secret, i dont really have boobs or a butt and i am now ever so thankful to God that i dont. Cuz if i had those curves, i would have a harder time trying to get into those size zero pants in the end :) sigh... well till tomoro, with a thinner me,

<3 [DOVE]

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

- 2.5 pounds

I woke up this morning and i weighed myself to find that i lost about 2.5lbs! Which is really great because i lost some weight from eating quite a bit of food :P I know its not water weight because i drank like 9 cups of water yesterday! And i went to the gym... But i also heard i wasn't supposed to exercise on this diet, but not sure why... But I'm still really excited!!! :D

Today is Diet Day 2, and so far its been really good... I mean its not like the food is terrible or anything. Plus i don't feel faint at all so i can go to the gym, run/power-walk in a incline for a mile and do some weights... I need to learn to love the gym again :S..

When I'm going to be off my diet, I'm going to add new things to my "Yummy" page... I found some really good low calorie foods that are instant to make :D


Diet Day 1

Day 1 is done and im really happy... It seemed easy even a bit too easy...
But of course someone my size will be melting off the pounds till it will hit 'regular size'...
I've noticed that since i have my diet thing, Handsome-man, and my college stuff on my mind i lack in time for studying or that im just too tired from gym to study or im just at college wondering if ill see someone i know...sigh...
Handsome-man kept replaying in my head all day long... i even took a quick nap to dream and have him close to me in some way. But i know im not enough for him... I lack in my outward appearance, im not graceful with words, and im totally not as close to God as he is... Some of you might say, thats just him and you shouldnt try to change... but i like it that im finding things about myself, whether it is good news, bad news, old news, or new... Even if we'd stay friends, i'd be a better person for knowing him. But i love it how love makes you want to look better and weigh less :P
Im Anxious about tomoro... Why? you may ask... well the fact is alot of things are going on tomoro... I have class, i may see Handsome-man, I may have not lost any pounds, Im going to go to a girl group and i fear that ill be the fattest cow there, and worried i wont get up to study... I need to pass my classes and i fear all this day dreaming is ruining it!....

Ill pray for a better day for all of us,