My Journey Thus Far:

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Thank you Fleur and Ani :) Thanks for your advice :) I'm keeping a handle on myself since i've come back from my singing lessons and Open Lab from college. The professor who was there helped me by explaining what in the world was "Cardiac Cycle, Pre-load, After-load" and etc. And came home just a bit happier :) I cried non stop this morning because of being overwhelmed. I think that's what finally helped me stop to eat every thing in sight.
I'm not that type of person to cry at everything, so it was a shock.
UGH when is this summer going to be over???
Though it doesn't mean the fall semester will be any different.
I have only PART 2: HUMAN ANATOMY & PHYSIOLOGY class to worry about,
i should be glad, i should be able to soak everything in and be fine.
Im going to go take a nap... <3 you all, my fellow readers...


Oh NO!!!

I'm really really stressed out from my class.
I'm having a hard time getting the concepts.
And when i stress out, i eat A LOT!
which stresses me out even more because i was doing well so far.
Plus the fact that i fall asleep ever so often.
This is so crazy! i already ate:
-2 croissants
-2 pizzas (one pepperoni and one cheese)
-coffee with milk and splenda
And now my head aches from the stupid stuff....
AHHHHHH!!!!! I'm going crazy!
i need help!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

A pound away

I was a bit shocked and disappointed at the same time this morning. Not only did i wake up late :S.... And have no idea what the "Cardiac input" is all about for the quiz. But i was just one measily pound away from my 185 mark :( so yeah, i was 185 but a smudge away, the arrow showed be that it was right before the line for 185....Of course the pound i lost is great... but its not as great as two...I think i need a breather... I should be happy, i really should, really really should. Okay,... YEAH BABY 1 POUND LOST! lol :P Now i shall go and drink my tea and eat my cheese wedges :) Have a super day everybody!


Monday, June 28, 2010

Food Food Food

Well i did quite well i think :)
  • Tea w/milk and splenda
  • 2 wedges of laughing cow cheese
  • 2x2 square of taco salad i made
  • hand full of cherrios
  • 2 hand fulls of blue berries
  • 4x4 square of taco salad
  • 2 mini spring rolls
  • a bowl of cherrios with 2% milk
... as i write the list it seems horrible,...
but for the whole entire day, and im still full at 8:41pm....


Oh yeah.... :D

What splendor, What radiance, What a an amazing sight to see!
I hit my mini goal of 187!!! (crowd goes wild!)
:) It feels really good,... really really good
I'm also really proud of Sarah (blog:
She also lost some :D
I thank all my fellow reader for reading my blog,
making me feel at home,
And providing me encouragement to strive and to write. <3



Just before bed i checked my weight...
A day of eating lots of healthy goodies can add up in calories.
So i was thinking "what the heck? ill weigh myself, and know its a bogus weight;
And in the morning ill know the real thing"
I stepped on the scale and it wiggled between 187-188!
Now i cant wait till morning! :D and maybe ill be able to mark off the 187 goal!
sweet dreams!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Hunger under control!

I feel so much more in charge today :)
I ate what would fill be and even has some nice jello :)
Oh this is great! :)
But we'll see later today, when the hunger monster comes out :S
Lurking near my every move, and knowing all my food desires :S
Ugh today is going to be a long one :(

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Good day

Well today wasn't so bad. I ate pretty healthy, and almost will full control. But i need to somehow get my lazy butt to the gym. Its hard to not have a car or a ride to the gym. (fyi, i was in a car crash and was totally my fault) And so ive been up on my feet most of the day and just helping around the house to count for exercise. Ill do some crunches and stuff before bed. It was a pretty good day today :)



Me and you,
You and me,
One day we will be

As thin as we can be.

To show the world our beauty
Our sulked cheeks and flat tummy.

Never fearing the glaring eyes

Who seek the same pride.


Some good news? kinda?

I know this will sound a bit weird but i was very anxious to step on the scale today. I have felt pain and ballooned the past few days, and finally decided to step on the scale. I was 195 lbs last time and now im 190! yey! But then thats stupid to be happy since thats where i started from :( This weekend im planning to drop at least 3 lbs.... Ill starve if i have to. I can't go to church knowing that i cannot fit into my skirt or anything i own. FYI: I was 175 and then binged till 180 and then a party that made me binge to a 190. So i can't buy new clothes, i cant ask my mom cuz she's going to point the finger and say "I told you not to eat!", and the ridiculing laugh of my sister :S I need your prayers, i need your strength, please send me some tips! [DOVE]

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Okay, i'll admit it

I didn't do Insanity workout DAY3.... can you blame me??
I barely could walk yesterday, it was painful, and all the stretching i did didn't help.
But thats okay,... today is a new day and a new beggining.
I was wondering if it is better to build myself upto the insanity workout.
Maybe run, TurboJam, and a little taebo first?
My gut is in the way of alot of things...
I should definetly start eating right too...
And start eating alot less...
Good thing ill be in college all day :P


Wednesday, June 23, 2010


I can barely move!!!! seriously this insanity is insane! but at least i feel that its doing something to my muscle, once the fat is all gone and i only have muscle i can do some TurboJam, TaeBo, Zumba, and even just run 2-3 miles a day to lay off all the muscle and just be stick thin.

I did eat rather healthy today,... suprizingly... i dont have a sweet tooth anymore... I crave meat, salt, and organic things... i ate greek yogurt with granola&berries, I ate watermellon, i ate this taco salad thing (layers of ground meat, refried beans, sourcream, cabbage, tomatoes, and cheese), and i really ate alot of cereal too... multigrain cherrios with milk!... i feel like a man in a way...

But all is good,... the scale says i've gained weight but i know its just my muscles that are sore and inflammed and ache, and that all will be well soon enough... Ive got another Insanity workout tonight!


Insanity Workout DAY2

My computer freezed up yesterday, so ill do my update now.
Yesterday i was really soar, and i was thinking i should still do the workout.
At least ill be doing something for about 40 min!
And even though i was really soar and have my big gut in the way,
I still got a good workout.
I also had to adjust some of the moves since i have a big gut.
But i did it! I did Day 2! and i found out that it is 60 day thing :)
And now its morning and i can barely move!!!!
But thats good, cuz that means i am actually doing something :D
Cant wait for tonight's workout :P


Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Love is great, love is divine, love is something you shouldn't hide.
For once the rose blooms in the light of day, there is no going away.
Not away from emotions, away from feelings, but only into those true hands of healing.

He will take your hands and kiss them sweet, He will brush his hands against your cheek,
And now His fingers in your hair with sweet pleasantry.
But knowing I'm His and He is mine, i'm in heaven divine.


Will i work out again today??

My butt, lower back, and calves are soooooooooooooooooo soar!!!
I was wondering if i was going to be able to work out againg today.
Im excited to try my best again, but its hard...
Ugh NO, I AM going to work out!!!!
I just have to look at pics that will make me
make the choice of working out day after day...
I MUST! i dont want my sis to point out my spare tire,
or to say that i cannot do anything other than eat,
and more importantly to finally show how beautiful I AM!

Insanity workout DAY 1

Now that is some workout!
But i am definetly sticking with it.
Even if i get dizzy, black-out a bit, and start shaking!
This workout is NOT for everyone.
I wish i was 50 lbs lighter... it would be alot easier.
Even ppl who are athletic (like my sis) struggle with it.
So if i (a 190lb blob) can do it, anyone can...
Well if you have the determination..
Sure i didn't do EVERYTHING...
ANd even slowed down,...
But i didn't stop, and funny thing is,
my body has alot more strength than i think it does..
Well day 1 is done! and a butt load left...


Monday, June 21, 2010

Feeling huge!

I stepped on the scale today and i saw what stress had done to me.
I am now 190 lbs, and i used to be 170 last year.
This is really disappointing. Very disappointing!
But i am starting the first video for the Insanity Workout.
Today is a new day, a day for change, a day for me to finally be ME.
Update on the work out later,


Exam Day

I hate these kinds of days...
Being stressed out,
Being on wit's end,
Wanting to scream,
Wanting to shout.

I need to get an A,
But is it even possible?
my mother says it is,
But i think not,
For i am too lazy.

Please pray for me,
So i can be more disciplined,
To study hard and long,
And finally pass the class.


True Love

Some of my favorite books:
Pride and Prejudice
Northanger Abbey
Jane Eyre

Many people say that true love is dead, that it is only surface deep. That people are just looking for a quick pleasure and nothing more.

I find that sad.

I believe that true love is out there, not only is story books.

There is nothing to live for other than love.


Sunday, June 20, 2010

Insanity Workout

Ive decided to try out the Insanity Workout by beach-body.
Its an intense workout, really intense!
It is said to have you burn 800-1000 cals in one day workout!
Which is something i really need since i eat so much.
The workout is for 90 days.
there are success stories that are amazing!
So i want to try it out....
First here are my pics:----------->
And ill be updating every 2 weeks :)
Wish me luck!



I went to church today and i was very tired.
I cant get much sleep now, but its alright.
Time to study for my exam tomoro,
I ate alot before so i wouldn't have to
have the munchies anytime soon.
I need to lose weight, i know it.
My mother has been nagging me about it almost all my life now...
I wish this was true. But sadly to say it is quite the opposite.
I feel like i am sinning against God. That i'd rather eat than read the bible, that i'd rather eat than go with the church group to sing. But there is hope, i hope... Im not too old yet...


To the ones who are reading:
This is the type of blog where a certain girl decides to hide her self with a fake blogg in order to express her self. Such as wishes, dreams, journeys, and writing.
Follow if you'd like. All are welcome.