My Journey Thus Far:

Friday, July 30, 2010

Oh this is just hilarious!

Okay, may be its not that funny but... My mom has noticed that i have gained about 15 pounds in the last 3 months and since i just ended my summer class, she goes and says to me "we are going to fast tomoro, sunday, monday... " lol this is sooo funny!
She and my sis always look down upon me when i try to do that stuff and now she's all like "lets do it together"
Well that is just super! :D Now i have a good reason to be not eating for a very long time! yep yep! i want to try doing it for a week and then take a break (even if i dont want to) and the do in again for another week... Cuz i heard you need to do that so you won't get stuck in a plateau in your weight loss :)
I am super happy!!!

OH and my computer totally broke down :( so now i have to find my thinspo pics all over again :( oh well


Thursday, July 22, 2010

Not happy

Im not happy about how i eat
Im not happy about the way i look
My body wont lose any weight
Even exercise made me gain weight!
Im tired of having to eat right and gain pounds
Im tired of having to have a buddy to enjoy gym
I need a new plan
I need a new brain!
I cant wait till summer college is over
Just one more week i tell myself
After that, im going to fast
Not eat any food
I dont care what my family says
This hunger i have is wrong, WRONG!
Its a ugly sin, sin against God
Id rather eat than read the bible
Id rather eat than enjoy my family and friends
Food is my God right now, and its not right.
Glutony is bad, really bad, its terrible
So why can i not stop???
I need help
I need prayer


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Nominated :D

Fleur from the blog "Im gonna to be Thinderella" has nominated me for this award:
Im really happy and very grateful to be nominated by such a great blogger herself :) So now this means i have to list my 5 likes and dislikes, so here it goes!

  1. Family/Friends: they are the ones that keep my life interesting and help me learn more about myself. Through thick and thin, good days and bad, i know they will always be there.
  2. Collecting: I love collecting old pennies :) Just thinking of what it was like back in 1963 and so on just makes me think how far this country has come. I love collecting Books :P good or bad i love how they sit in my book shelf.
  3. Owls! : I don't know why but I'm very fond of them :) They are mysterious night creatures and very beautiful. And i probably like them because they are always referred to as "wisdom" and "knowledge" and i also want to be smart.
  4. Books: Other than collecting them, i love reading them as well. It gives me a chance to unwind and dream more easily and gets me through the day.
  5. Writing: Its a way i can express myself and no one will know the difference between the truth and the lie :P And i love it how you can write your own happy ending <3
  1. Cold Watermelon: I just cant eat it... tastes like cold water... the only way i can eat watermelon is when its at room temperature... nice and sweet and enjoyable :)
  2. Stuck up people: I just want to throw a shoe at them or somehow show that they aren't the center of the world! But i always remember that they will one day grow old, fat, and lazy... and ill be aging beautifully, thin, and rich :)
  3. Summer: Though i live in one of the most hottest and sunniest places in the USA, i just cant stand it, i love winter more. But it may be just because im still quite big, so ill get back to you on this :X
  4. College: I know everyone says this, but i used to like it at one point. I mean im almost done, but i just have such hard classes and no fun at all. I cant wait till its all over!
  5. Spiders: Ew,... they are all over the berries, on fruit trees, and everywhere in my garden. I just think they want to jump at me :S
Ani : "my mind's is about to fall
Sarah: "Creating the me I've always wanted to be"
Adaline: "Vanishing Point"
Jennifer: "Thin means..."
James Leanne: "Purely Empty"
(Sorry, i dont know how to use links yet)

I want to thank all of my followers for giving me such great advice and really encouraging me to move forward. I've really opened my eyes to who I am, who I want to become, and how fat i REALLY am lol... Love you all very much,

Stay strong, beautiful, and thin,

Sunday, July 18, 2010


Back to 185 again :) and feels really good...

Its different though, i actually see the results of going to the gym Last time i was 185, it only said it on the scale and now i can actually see it :) I am happy :) Cuz that means ill be more successful for my 175 goal :) I only have 5 lbs to get to my major reward goal and i cant wait!
Me and a friend of mine were thinking of getting icecream and i thought that was a great idea,but now that i really think about it, it could ruin everything.... So maybe ill just throw out my extra clothes that are "big" and only keep the fitting ones :)

Stay strong, beautiful, and thin


Saturday, July 17, 2010


Well i got my act together again... and i started to go to the gym regularly... like EVERY day i would go down an burn at least 600 cals :)
Today i ate moderatley and I burned 1000cals in the gym :D
Im really happy, it seems like im getting toned and more control over my food.
This journey is only the beggining and i know its not going to get easier.
But i thank all my followers for their support so far, and i hope for the best for them as well :)


Friday, July 16, 2010


Hey I'm back for a post!
Well, i really don't know what to say...
I have 2 1/2 weeks left for summer class and I'm struggling to keep my grade as an A.
I have also started to go to the gym every day.. but it not seeming to change my weight.
Its weird, I'm eating healthier and i try to eat a little less, yet there is no change...
I'm very disappointed, all my hard work isn't paying off...
I can't wait till my summer class is all done.. Ill finally be free to do anything :)
ANYTHING!!!! well at least for the 3 weeks i have off before fall semester....
I want to fast as much as i can during those days....
Ill sleep, swim, go to the gym to workout, go to the sauna at the gym, clean my room thoroughly, read my books, take walks at the near by oak trees, run in the morning :)
Oh i cant wait!!!
But i know all this stress from college is causing me to eat,...
I want something to munch on, i want something cold and sweet, i want the taste of meat!
But i refrain myself as much as i can... I durn off at least 500 cals at the gym anyway ....

Stay strong, beautiful, and thin,

Sunday, July 11, 2010


So im back to 187,... and i think thats alright.... it waved a bit from 186
I got 3 weeks to go down to 175 ... i hope ill make it

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Im gonna try

I will try not to eat today... ill try...
I have a feeling ill only be 185 tomoro...
I got to get my stuff together...


Thursday, July 8, 2010

Eating all day

I felt like i was eating all day :(
But i guess its alright since i wen to the gym
And that should cancel some out...
Plus I'm planning on not really going to bed tonight
So that means i can sleep-in a little bit till i have to go to college
And i will not be able to eat till about i dont know when since
i get off of school like at 5:45pm and then i have choir at 7pm
and then i may have to go to Group and that lasts till like 12am..
So its a great day to not eat tomoro :)
Sigh i still feel like i disappointed everyone...
I was doing so well too...
Take care everyone,


Well i went a little over-board this morning:

Jello layered caked: ~100
Burrito: 300
Cherrios w/2% milk: 250
= 650 cals already!

But im not going to go crazy on it..
I have a punishment for it.
I have my car back today,
And that means major gym time :)
At least 2 hrs worth of running, eliptical, arm stuff, etc.
I cant wait to get in shape now! ill be able to be at school all i want.
I can be far away from the fridge all i want :)
Here come the thin me even faster!


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I saw him today :)

Oh, my sweet little crush :) I feel like im in High school again...
He is a mixture of Jude Law/ Robert Pattinson/ and Ben Aflec chin= scrumptious!
He even acknowleged me too! He said hi and waved right in front of me :)
But i couldn't talk to him because i was studying with a friend, but he remembers me!
This is just great! Now i have an push to lose weight lose it quick! I only have about 3 1/5 weeks!
Just that much of summer class and who knows if ill ever see him again :S
Well i know he may have to take A&P #2 in fall and thats close to my Microclass...
But that doesn't mean ill "bump" into him.... I need an instant shrink diet!!! MAJOR!!!
Any advice???? Any advice of how to not eat for a day?? TELL ME!!!


New day, New sweets :S

Well yesterday i fell asleep early and that great because that means i didn't eat, but i needed to study :( I only have about 3 weeks left!!!! :D

But another great thing is that i got up early today as well, which means more calories loss today for being up all day and doing stuff and that will boost my metabolism (i think).

But i had a sweet tooth this morning and i ate my last bit of Tart cake and my last cookie icecream sandwich. which i knew was bad to eat, but that means i have time to burn it all off to day and i have no more sweets to worry about :) So the intake was about 600 cals over-all.

I have such an urge to play my guitar again and to practice my opera singing too. So, less time to eat or think about food :) I hope it will last long... Cant wait to get my guitar lessons back :)

I also cant wait to finally weigh myself on Saturday to confirm my weight for my goal chart and goal list!

Ive also been feeling weird hunger pains that go upto my throat like im a vampire! "Im thirsty" xD lol

Monday, July 5, 2010


I hate being on my period and having to want to eat constantly :(Yes, i kinda grazed on a bit too much today and i dont want to even look at the scale.Ive decided not to weigh myself till my period is gone... Plus today i didn't have class, so that kinda made it harder to not eat... Tomoro i have a big exam and i cant even study!My mind is all about food and sleeping and lazying away! I got alot of gardening done today, so i wont look like ive really done nothing. Im going to probably have to lie about my grade too. UGH! but ive worked some numbers so even if i flunk out of the exam, i still have a chance to keep my A grade :) I just cant flunk out anymore!... Im getting my car fixed and it will be ready by friday so Hello Gym! Library! and extra time at school and far from fridge! :D Cant wait!
Plus i want to be 180 by Sunday... i got to make it!


Sunday, July 4, 2010


Today i reached another goal of mine... I'm so happy! Even though i may balloon up from my period. I am really happy :) Just five more pounds and ill be able to get my reward!
I wont tell you what it is, you'll just have to wait a little bit more :P
But i do want to ask for your opinion. What would a reward for being 180? I mean i think it would be kinda stupid to give me an award for being that big. Maybe ill get to throw out my extra clothes, extra hour of exercise, or a day of fasting to prove my now growing strength of turning away from food?... Please give me your ideas :)


Saturday, July 3, 2010

Just Dandy *sarcasm*

Just when it starts getting good and rolling, my period has to come along for the ride :(. This sucks really back. I gain 5lbs easy during this time and sure it goes away as the period does but it also means no losing weight for about a week... My body goes into hibernation or something and doesn't let anything happen to it...Ill try to do my best to lose more weight, to eat healthy, and exercise but i don't know if it will help.
Tomorrow I'm going to my cousin's baptism. It should be fun. I'm going to have to wake up early in the morning to get there and the church part of it doesn't end till about 12pm and then its party time! but I'm going to try to get out of it. Or at least avoid food and drink water... hopefully they will have salad so my sister wont blab about me trying to be anorexic.
I want to stay up all night studying... that makes me lose weight... Plus if i do that, i can get ready earlier and be pretty... curl my hair and do make up (actually i have no idea how to put makeup on but i know the basics). So i got this covered :)
I also want to give out a shout out to my follower Ani :) She reached a goal today! I'm so proud of her! :) You too can do this fellow followers and readers :) and so can I.

Stay strong girls!


Yep, im back into the game!!! though i did eat a butt-load of goodies yesterday due to my sister's presence, i still managed to lose 4 lbs :) ... Funny thing is today i dont really feel hungry... sure its still morning and im bound to have the munchies but at least till 7pm i will not eat :S I hope i can make it! But it feels really good not to eat that much... feels empowering almost :)
But of course it also might be because I saw a long lost acquaintace this past wednesday... He is going to be a doctor! :) love hit strong chin and his scruffy look <3 <3 <3
Oh but what sucks is that i dont think he remembers me.... we last talked like a year or two ago :( ... though he glanced at me at we waved at each other, i think he only did it because i did... ugh and me being so fat and lardish doesn't help anything... sigh... well at least i know where i can see him now.... if anything ill try to start a conversation and see if he remembers or not... or should i not?? any ideas?

Friday, July 2, 2010

ugh, ALERT!

My sister is home, and she isn't sleeping :(
That means i have to eat :(
She is after me... she just knows that i like to yo-yo.
Eat nothing for a while then Eat alot.
And she always alarms my mother when i dont eat.
But i guess i should be proud of making it this far in the day.
Its 6:33pm by the way.
And ill eat healthy, I PROMISE!
And will workout major tonight :)
My Dad and I will begin running through our neighborhood :)
I'll do a little of Insanity or Tae Bo or Turbo Jam...
LOVE YOU! sorry for being such a butt-munch :S



Today i plan on not eating. I need to get back into the game. I need to lose what I've gained. 5lbs is a lot,... especially for me. I'm 5'7'' and it quickly goes to my stomach, face, and thighs. I hope i get can through today. I need to also avoid my Classmate who gives out snacks. I want to feel the pureness of being light. If i get through today, maybe I'll even do it through this weekend. I have a Test on Tuesday, so I'll eat a little on Monday. I also heard that you study better when you are hungry :) So wish me luck today, I'm going to need a lot of it.

Thursday, July 1, 2010


Back to 190lbs everybody :( well thats what the scale says with all of my clothes on.
You know, clothes add on 2-5 lbs??? its crazy,... so im resetting all the little gadgets i got here to 190, and when i get to sneak in the scale ill change them to the appropriate weight :]

Well this morning was interesting.... cuz i got up really early to do my assignments that are due today at around 7:30 this morning (i knew my bro was totally lying about going to the gym at 7:30), and i didn't eat till like 10:30am which is nice cuz the longer i wait to eat in the morning the less hungry and less time i will have to eat before my class... hopefully my mom wont make me eat.Anyway... I had a 2x4 square of taco salad (its a saver! ill but up the ingredients later) and a cup of tea with milk and splenda.

But i had a battle today with my brain! it said "that tea needs a snack with it you know,... a nice granola bar or a croissant... Mmmm".... it was really creepy... it never happened that strong before! but i remembered my follower's advice about eating fruit,... i looked around and there was only watermelon, and old apples and bananas :(... And then i thought of another advice... that i need to go do something, take a nap, etc... and i remembered that i need to weigh myself! :) and i dragged myself out of that kitchen :D

Ah its a joy to have such strength!
Stay strong girls!