oh defeat

Well first off i would like to welcome my newest follower J :) I hope you like the blog and contribute to the comments if you'd like :D plus if you have any suggestions, that would be cool too :)

Well the last couple of days have been weird... i would start my day off with 200 cals and then at night i would plow myself with food :( shear defeat! ugh... plus the fact that im stressed out isn't helping, i want to eat even more!!! >( ... Hopefully i'll get a second job and work alot so i won't have to eat...

Im back up to 200 lbs again,... :( and my fat pants are too old to be worn so im walking around in a smaller sized jeans (that i used to wear when i was 175lbs)... its ridiculous i know, but i have no choice!... i guess i can buy myself some jeans but what is the point? i can't be comfortable in a big size any longer! i think i need the humiliation... But the thing is, the jeans fit really well for my butt and legs, my stomach is the problem...

Im planning to stay up most of the night and i want to start the buckwheat diet tomoro... instead of buttermilk, i want to drink sugar-free grapefruit juice... so hopefully that works out... i need to get at least down to 190lbs by sunday...

I was at work today, and the teacher there was soooo skinny.... she was young too so it was real life thinspo... i felt like a whale.... ugh... i am sooo starting the diet tomoro...

May God help me, {DOVE}
my inspirations for today, enjoy: