BW day 1

Today i embark on a diet! the buckwheat diet! If any of you girls want to join in, please do and tell me that you are :D

Not much is new, not much is interesting,... but i do leave you with some thinspo!

And welcome new follower :)

{DOVE}

Visions of success

THINSPO! ^^

First off, welcome Thin_Envy to my blog :) hope you like it... Thanks to those who commented on my last post :) I have found a notebook to right in as my new ana-inspired notebook! im going to start writing in it and printing out pics!!!! Thanks Thin_mint to your tip on buying magazines instead of food! i shall do that ! And S, i will post any websites i find interesting... but first i need to re-write what i already have :S from the sites i've viewed a while back! BUCKWHEAT DIET!!!! Okay S, lets start the diet together!!! and if any other followers want to join it on it, feel free and please tell me if you are! All you need is buckwheat and buttermilk (2%)... Only eat/drink 2 cups of each item!... i will start with buckwheat and the grapefruit juice i have... buttermilk works too but i want to try if it will help or not... When shall we start? MONDAY!!! so everyone will have a chance to see this post and join it.... :) But if anyone wants to jump in later, thats okay too :)... i was thinking of trying it for a week, and if its working, keep going... if it doesn't im going to do the 3 day diet... and after 2 weeks of buckwheat diet that worked well, do the 3 day diet :) I am a bit blank today... i reminisce the day i was 170lbs and how bad i want it again... there are piles of clothes that i dont wear anymore.... I am sooo glad im starting the buckwheat diet.... after that, the 3 day diet ... i cant wait!... im making myself some scheduals and lists i need to do everyday to keep myself busy too... With the extra money coming in, i want to try out the "hollywood diet drink" ... its basically drinking the drink for 3 days, and you lose 10lbs... sure its going to be water weight at first but if you tag another diet after it, it can stick better :) I want to go and buy myself a Shirt size small and Pants that are size 1... for inspiration... i think it would be cool :D

As you girls know, i had an exam on wednesday... And i caught a cheater that was by me... i got sooo frustrated!... Here i am trying to pass a test that i barely studied for and i knew i was going to get at least a B from... and this woman had a STACK of notes under paper!!!! :O ... :(... I waited till i got to the last portion of the exam, the essay, and i wrote her a note on my paper saying "I know you are cheating. Stop or ill tell the professor!"... she got bright red and said okay... i got back to my test and was shaking for standing up to her... i was thinking "COme on, this test isnt even that hard!" and she was rustling through her notes like she knew nothing at all and plus talking to the woman by her!!!... UGH... Is there no more guilt or conscience? Should the colleges and universities be thus polluted by people like this????? Who wants a doctor who has cheated his way through????... Ugh... 10min after i showed her the message she packed her things in frustration and started to charge for the door! but before she got there, she accidentally dropped her test and her notes on the floor in the professor's view!!... what shall i think now? will i get jumped??

Other than this incident,... Ive been feeling lonely lately,... and not wanting to hangout,... i just want to be alone... I dont think im depressed,... i just want to be alone... away from everyone and everything... I wish i had someone in the flesh by me to give me a hug and help me cry... ugh... what's become of me????

IN other news, i am planning on doing a community service thing on the 20th,... im going to go and pick up trash!!!! :D i love the outdoors! but i love it more where there isn't plastic bags all over the place :S... I reved up some other girls to go... hopefully it'll work out!

If you girls have any questions, ask :) any suggestions? do tell!
{DOVE}

Long awaited

Inspiration for today!


Well i think i finally figured out what i need to do to start my low-eating-ways... I was looking through my old ana-inspired notebook and it hit me! I need to start the notebook all over again!!! Why? Well first off i think that will keep me focused on somthing that isn't on food and secondly psychologist say that music and looking at things may rev up your emotions to do something for a little while but to actually read and write is what really changes the mind set!!! I remember when i wrote everything down... all the tips, tricks, quotes, glueing on the pictures... SO i will be redoing my weight loss inspired by ana notebook this weekend and hopefully that will do the trick! SOFIA: What is the buckwheat diet you ask? I have a tap full of info right under the big title picture thingy up there ^^^^^^^ above the weight loss tracker thingy... :) Its a good diet.... but i dont get what is up with the buttermilk... id rather drink grapefruit juice that has reduced sugar in it!!!! if you want... we can start on it together!!! and if anyone else wants to join in :P Well i have been working alot lately... almost 30 hrs in 3 weeks!!!! thats a lot!!! well for a on-call job :D... its just so fabulous!... hopefully i can travel somewhere next year... or save it up for a euro-trip!!!! :D And yes, im still 200lbs :( what a lump of fat! ugh .... i need help!!! any tips????

{DOVE}

Life of a failure

Ive been busy enough to be out all day and work and trying to study as i still go to college,... but it seems like i am never tired enough, or busy enough, or stressed out enough to NOT eat junk food :( ugh... definitely starting the buckwheat diet tomorrow!!!! ive been stalling at it for the past couple days and even weeks cuz i dont have the money and time to go by the stupid buckwheat but tomoro is definitely a good day to do all that!!! though my dad's birthday is on the 13th, and we are celebrating it on sunday, i am going to just eat salad and fruits or something... so i hope that wont ruin the diet too much... plus taking some vitamins with the buckwheat.... Ive been thinking alot about how im such a failure at this,... that im not strong enough to overcome the desire of food (plus the fact that im lazy)... when will it stop? when will i finally wake up and smell the awful stench of my terrible sin of gluttony to the point where i am going to stop eating???? :(( I need help Well here is some inspiration for today:

Down to the last straw

Today i'm going to a birthday party... and im a blob of about 202lbs.... All the stress from work, getting a second job, and college is unrelenting on my want for food :S.... i have a size 13 dress pant somewhere in my closet, ill have to where that with something i guess.. thats okay since i dont really care who is going to be there... our "group" doesn't have anyone i like enough to dress up and care for... ill still try to look pretty though... *i just went and tried the pants on with a black shirt and it doesn't look too bad (thank goodness)... all i need now is to curl my hair and makeup :)

Fleur,... i know i dont have to be 170lbs to be loved, but it would be nice to have a wider range of clothes to wear. I used to be a beautiful 170 and very inventive clothes to choose from, but i cant wear them anymore because i gained weight :S....

Speaking of 170,... thats what i need to strived for the next 2 weeks... why? well a friend of mine is having a party and its formal cocktail dress code! i have a beautiful black dress but i can only fit in it if i was at most 173! AH! sooooo i am trying to become determined to diet vigorously for the next 2 weeks! a combination of 3day diet and buckwheat ... and maybe some fasting... Oh, wish me luck!

here are some inspiring photos for today, {DOVE}

little by little

For me, trying to eat a little bit will make me eat a lot... so tomorrow I'm planning on not eating at all... I have a party to go to on Saturday and i don't want to be 200lbs... for some odd reason i do better with not eating... hopefully i can do it for more than a day. It seems like I'm getting a 2nd job and it works in shifts... 6am-2pm... perfect! cuz then i only have about 8 hrs to worry about not eating and most of it would still be working for my other job, studying, and other things :D They say when girls are in love, they have a greater chance of trying to change themselves... especially losing weight... I need to fall in love... I'd like to have someone care for me... sigh... but i know i need to at least be 170lbs to even consider myself in the dating world :S Hope you girls are doing better than i am, God bless, {DOVE}

oh defeat

Well first off i would like to welcome my newest follower J :) I hope you like the blog and contribute to the comments if you'd like :D plus if you have any suggestions, that would be cool too :)

Well the last couple of days have been weird... i would start my day off with 200 cals and then at night i would plow myself with food :( shear defeat! ugh... plus the fact that im stressed out isn't helping, i want to eat even more!!! >( ... Hopefully i'll get a second job and work alot so i won't have to eat...

Im back up to 200 lbs again,... :( and my fat pants are too old to be worn so im walking around in a smaller sized jeans (that i used to wear when i was 175lbs)... its ridiculous i know, but i have no choice!... i guess i can buy myself some jeans but what is the point? i can't be comfortable in a big size any longer! i think i need the humiliation... But the thing is, the jeans fit really well for my butt and legs, my stomach is the problem...

Im planning to stay up most of the night and i want to start the buckwheat diet tomoro... instead of buttermilk, i want to drink sugar-free grapefruit juice... so hopefully that works out... i need to get at least down to 190lbs by sunday...

I was at work today, and the teacher there was soooo skinny.... she was young too so it was real life thinspo... i felt like a whale.... ugh... i am sooo starting the diet tomoro...

May God help me, {DOVE}
my inspirations for today, enjoy: